Milestones

1. Vivian finally went to kindergarten. At first glance, it's seen as a relief. Upon further inspection, I have discovered that my life is a little bit boring without that kid around. The fun part has been figuring out who I am without a kid stuck to my side. And by fun, I mean not fun. 
2. Patricia got her learner's permit, and I got more gray hairs. Seriously. I'm not even joking. This is not an exaggeration. I have more gray hairs. Everywhere. Even in places that I never thought would get gray hairs. Yeah. THERE. Although, I am pretty sure those ones have nothing to do with my 16 year old daughter. 
3. Trystan is taller than me. He weighs more than me too. And he has a manly voice. Where did my sweet little boy go?
4. Mimi's isn't much of a milestone, rather a brag. That girl is the most empathetic person I know. She is the kid who plays with the unpopular kids who have no one to play with at recess. She is the one who takes time to help the kid who can't read well to find a book in the school library that he is interested in. I see this every time I go to her school. Her teachers tell me whenever they get a chance. Most importantly, Mimi lets me know. At least once a week. Hey- It's a good thing to know what you're good at. 
5. Mel retired after 20 years in the Army. And now for the brag: In November, he had a retirement ceremony where I got to hear about all of the amazing things he has done over the past six years in his job. That was cool. I learned some things I didn't know before. What the best part for me was standing in the receiving line  and getting to talk to all of the people who he had touched, both professionally and personally. I have always known how great he is. To learn that I'm not the only person to feel that way about him was priceless. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in our lives. 
6. Isn't it ironic that I saved myself for last? I got my first REAL brazilian wax. Remember this? Or part deux? Or part the third? It took just over two years for me to muster the courage to get it professionally done. It took 45 minutes. It hurt. My pussy was out of commission for two days. I'm going back on Wednesday for maintenance. (god help me)

Did you have any milestones in your life? If so, I hope it wasn't as painful as mine. 

I Need Love

Have you ever been looking forward to an event for a long time and you build it up in your mind until it becomes so great and fantastic and unbelievably wonderful and amazing, only to discover that it's not really all 'dat? 

Me neither

I am having the time of my life with all of my kids in school. It's like a party from 8:30 until 2:30(4:00)(4:30) every day around here. 

not

I'm bored as fuck. I have nothing to do. Well, that's not totally correct. I can clean my house, but I'm not into 12-step programs. I thought I would do yoga every day, but I can't make myself get to class. I'm too lazy to workout on my own. I'm not even wasting hours of my life away on Facebook anymore because I don't understand it.

i need a friend

I need someone who will drag me out of this funk I'm in. I've done it for you mofos. It's your turn. If you don't I'll just continue not eating and get skinnier and skinnier and skinnier. Remember? I lose my appetite when I'm depressed. I eat when I'm happy. Here's your chance to fatten me up. 

Why didn't I do this with the dog?

Several weeks ago, Mimi asked me about getting another pet. A gerbil. Or two. After I smacked her laughed, I told her no. Whine, whine, beg, beg, plead, plead, plead. Still no. Then genius hit me. I suggested that she ask one of her friends who owns a gerbil if they are going on vacation this summer and need a pet sitter. 

Last night, Mimi's friend dropped her gerbils off at our house for the next ten days. As I was clearing a space for them, I started thinking about how fucking genius I am. I mean, it's like we are borrowing her friend's pet. You can't just ask someone if you can borrow their pet so you can play with it for a week. People don't really  DO that. But that's exactly what we are doing. 

Then I realized what a fucking idiot I am for not thinking about this sooner. Like when we got our cat. Or our dog. Fuck! When we got our kids, for that matter. Why the hell didn't we borrow someone else's dog/cat/kids before we committed to taking them? Now that we have them, there's no going back. (not that we would if we could) (yeah, right) (not really) (ok, well, sometimes maybe)

But DAMN it's nice having a pet that the kids love and play with and take care for a week, and just when they start to lose interest we can give it back. Kind of the way grandparents must feel. Shit, I can't wait until I'm a grandparent. 

Rated R

Contrary to popular belief, an 'R' rating doesn't mean something is inappropriate, bad, or unsuitable. 

Though, I guess it depends who you ask.

What I found on my bathroom mirror this morning

He's so romantic.

Portugal is taking over the world

...or at least my next blog. I clicked about 7 times and got artsy-fartsy Portuguese blogs. Nothing against the Portuguese - I am of Portuguese-colonized African origin. My maiden name is Portuguese. However, I don't speak it. I can read it I guess because I'm pretty fluent en espanol. And espanish is like portuguesish. At least it's not the Christians who are attacking me like they did last time. I couldn't handle that shit again. But you know, according to someone who is highly (not) respected in the blogworld, I am actually very much a Christian! 

So, which one is better, being attacked by your ancestors? or being attacked by your peers? 

Can't we all just get along?