Who Moved My Tampons?

I'm panicking a little bit. Last night, after some research I discovered that the one true tampon is no longer available. They say it's only temporary, but I don't 'truss it. I have noticed that for the past couple periods that I haven't been able to find the gigantic super plus monster tampons they sell. I didn't think too much about it because I had plenty. I only used those elephant 'pons on the first day or two when I was hemorrhaging. 

Two days ago, I used my last one. "No problema," I thought to myself. "I'll just get more today at the grocery store." I wasn't totally surprised that the commissary was completely out. They do that often. So, I went to Rite Aid last night. They only had regular 'pons. Checked Safeway. Same story. I was annoyed Actually, I was pissed. There are a few things you don't deny a woman while she's on the rag. Tampons is one of them. 

To top it all off, I had to deal with Vivian's shit (literally) when I got home. So, after the shit, I did a 'lil investigative journalism to get the lowdown on the mystery of the disappearing 'pons. 

This

And this

That's why I went back to Rite Aid today and did this:

I bought $47.94 worth of plugs. That's 240 little tubes of absorbent cotton with cute little greenish-blue strings. I HAVE A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF COOTER PLUGS!!!! Maybe even two years!! What a good Mormon I am! 

But they're just regular absorbency. Anyone wanna sell me a few ultras?