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Thursday, December 30, 2010


From the Minnick family archives.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas with the step family

It was pretty great. 

How was your Christmas?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I pretty much hate X-mas music

However, Vivian loves it. And if I don't play it in the car, she will sing the same lines from the same songs over and over and over and over and over. I figure that it's more pleasant to have music to go with the words, so we listen to it in the car. Today, I heard this song for the first time ever. It was so clever and entertaining, I had to share it with you.

The feeling I got from the song is how we are all so crazed and jumbled at this time of the year. Everything seems to blend all together. The shopping, decorating, baking, partying, cooking, traveling, entertaining, all seems to smoosh together and create a hectic frenzy. Then December 25th dawns, the presents are opened, the meal is eaten, and it's over. Just like that. All that craziness for what? More stuff. 

Don't get me wrong, I like stuff. I like shopping and getting presents. I like having a reason to make gifts for people I love. But I don't like the hoopla that goes along with it. That's all.

Wow. I wrote a whole post without cussing. Or mentioning my awesome ass. Shit! I just cussed. Twice. Oh well, nobody's perfect. I hope Santa will still bring me lots of presents this year.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

'Tis the season

It's no secret that I'm celebrating this stupid Christmas without my best friend/sister. Yeah, it's fucked up. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that what's done is done. And even though I do think it's for the best that we aren't friends anymore, it sucks that I don't have anyone to laugh with about the stupid jokes that only the two of us know. The holidays always brought out the best and funniest in us.

So, in the interest of invading your privacy and talking about you on my blog, I have complied a small list of funnies that we have shared over the years that relate to a certain weekend that we spent with a certain other friend during this time of the year about 10 years ago. I know you read this thing just about every night, so I'm going to give you something to read that will hopefully make you smile. 

  2. super shitter
  3. uh-no (unworded version of  'I don't know')
I thought there were more, but I think that's it. One more thing - Don't overdo it this year. Take it easy and enjoy yourself. Oh yeah, and I'm the one involved with santa's shit shop this year. Lucky me. 

I love our memories.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Being John Malkovich

Have you people ever seen this movie? I watched it last night. And by watched it, I mean that I was in and out of the room where it was on TV while I was doing other things. It was confusing, slightly boring, and amusing all at the same time. I didn't watch the end of the movie, but I read up on it, and I think I want to watch it again but this time maybe I'll give it more attention. Should I?

Two things:

  1. Please explain this movie to me.
  2. If you could live anyone else's life, who would it be? Why?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Are the Greek gods really any different?

So, the other night, I was watching Clash of the Titians. (don't judge me) While I was watching it, I realized that those multiple gods are the same as the one god that Christians believe in now. They were very involved (interfered) in the lives of the people of ancient Greece. They routinely came down from their holy Mount Olympus to mingle with humans. The humans both feared, and adored their gods. Much of what they did was done to please the gods. Here is my shitty analysis of the most 'popular' gods and goddesses. 

Thanks to the all-knowing Wikipedia

Athena - She was the goddess of wisdom, warfare, strategy, heroic endeavour. Maybe she was the one who helped the stripling warriors. 

Demeter - Goddess of fertility, agriculture, horticulture, grain and harvest. How many stories of people praying to god for a good harvest? Or rain? Maybe it was Demeter who helped them. You don't know.

Eros - He was the god of love, sexual intercourse, cupids, desire and pleasure. Years ago, when Vivian was a baby, I didn't want to have sex. Go figure. One night, I prayed to HF for him to help me feel sexy toward my husband and help me enjoy sex. It worked. But perhaps I have Eros to thank. 

Hera - Queen of Heaven and goddess of marriage, women, childbirth, heirs, kings and empires. Well, fuck me! There's our Mother in Heaven! So, when I prayed about having the fourth kid, it was Hera who made me feel all warm and fuzzy about it. Thank Goddess!

Poseidon - God of the sea, rivers, floods, droughts, earthquakes and horses; known as the "Earth Shaker" or "Storm Bringer". Hmmmmmmm... Perhaps Noah was 'in' with Poseidon and that's why he built the arc and survived the flood (conspiracy theory). Maybe Jesus was Poseidon in disguise. I mean, he was able to walk on water. His apostles were fishermen. He caused terrible earthquakes when he died. 

I just threw this post together in 30 minutes before I have to go to work. Please fill in where I may have left off. Which one do you identify with most?

 May Hermes deliver me safely to and from my home today. 

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Are you finished Christmas shopping?

Yeah? Well, up yours!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Portugal is taking over the world

...or at least my next blog. I clicked about 7 times and got artsy-fartsy Portuguese blogs. Nothing against the Portuguese - I am of Portuguese-colonized African origin. My maiden name is Portuguese. However, I don't speak it. I can read it I guess because I'm pretty fluent en espanol. And espanish is like portuguesish. At least it's not the Christians who are attacking me like they did last time. I couldn't handle that shit again. But you know, according to someone who is highly (not) respected in the blogworld, I am actually very much a Christian

So, which one is better, being attacked by your ancestors? or being attacked by your peers? 

Can't we all just get along?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Eve

We cooked pies. Well, Mimi cooked some pies. She baked a pecan pie and a pumpkin pie.

Trystan baked the apple pie and made the cranberry sauce. Delicious!

Patty is cooking the sweet potatoes to make sweet potato balls tomorrow. She's hard at work while they are baking.

I made gluten free bread. And it looks pretty pathetic. Good thing it tastes fine. I'll be turning it into stuffing tomorrow.

Mel came home to rearrange beds for our guests. His uncle, aunt, and grandmother are coming to our house this year. Everyone is so excited. Especially Mel.

The best thing is that tonight we get homemade Mexican food. From real mexicans. It's going to be great!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Anyone else with me?

Am I the only one who has the entire 16 digit credit card number memorized? My husband was a little disturbed that I know it by heart. I really only use one card, I didn't plan to memorize it. I just did. I can't help it if I'm brilliant. Maybe I'm a savant. And I didn't even know it!

Probably not. 

Oh! I added a new link to my blogroll. Lojo is an long time friend. She's cool and thinks I'm bitchin'.

Read this blog post too (it's 'safe'). I think I will define God as she does. Maybe I'll expound upon that on the other blog.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

i haven't completely disappeared from here

I still come to my own blog so I can see my blogroll. I can't get it to keep me up-to-date on my links from the other one. I don't care enough to figure it out, so I'm going to still keep this one active. 

Don't expect anything too interesting here though. I think I'm mostly still posting so you mofos who haven't gotten the new blog address will know that I'm still alive and that you should check that one instead. If you never check this one again, you probably won't miss much. 

I'm about to compose a sex and masturbation post inspired by someone on my blogroll. See ya!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is anyone here?

Do any of you still read this one? I know it's much prettier than the new one, but there's really not much going on here. You should head over to the new one. What? What did you say? You don't know where to go? Just shoot me an email. I'll direct you to the right place. Cool? Cool. 

See you mofos later!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

And the Winner Is...

Go to the new blog to find out.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Our family's latest obsessions

If you have the opportunity to play this game, you must. It's crazy and addictive. And silly. And we all love it!

We are also into this game. Killer Bunnies. It's a card game where you try to kill your opponents bunnies and do some other stuff and it's fun and silly. Believe me. 

Tomorrow is the last day to enter the contest.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

why it's great to have impulsive friends who use you

I am here on Sunday afternoon in my quiet house. I just finished doing some much needed housework. I enjoy doing housework when I can be alone in my own thoughts and accomplish a task without having to manage any 'helpers'. I'm tidying up around here for some unexpected guests. 

I got a call at 10:00 last night. She wanted to know if she could stop by my house on her way home from Philly to have lunch. Of course you can!! I'd love to see you!! After I realized that I'd have to make something, I started to have second thoughts. UHHHH, no, sorry. I think I'm going to be at church. Without skipping a beat, she told me that she'd need at least five signatures that I actually went to church and stayed for the whole three hours. That was the only way I was going to get out of cooking for her. 'Nuff said.

I got out of bed so we could plan lunch. 

Oh yeah, only three more days until you can win the purple vagina cowl. Email me for the link to the new blog that I'm completely overwhelmed about making look decent and haven't had time to work on it but will at least have a new post within the hour.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

There's still time left to get your free shit!

Excited to share
The new blog that I'm writing
I messed up, mofos

If I sent you an address to a new blog and it doesn't work, It's not you, it's me. In my excitement, I forgot a part of the address. So, if you have already emailed me and I sent you something and it's wrong, here's how to fix it: 


If you haven't emailed me yet, whatthefuckareyouwaitingfor? You better get 'ta emailin'. You wouldn't want to miss out on the free purple vagina** I am giving away, would you? You don't want to miss out on me do you?

**no actual vaginas were harmed during the making of this blog post

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Win Free Shit and Some Slight Oversharing

Hey mofos! I am selling out. -ish. I am working on  a new blog. My awesome teenager stumbled upon it a couple of weeks ago, and it threw her for a loop. She got a glimpse of me as a 'real' person, and that was weird for her. Like, really weird. I asked her if she wanted me to stop blogging (truth be told, I was hoping she'd say no) and she said, "No. It's OK. I don't have to read it." Is that some awesome shit or what?!?! I know adults that can't grasp that concept. 

My husband and I agree that it's important for me to keep blogging. I'm just going to do it in a different place. I am not posting a link to my new blog on here. Not only do I not want my teenager to read me, I don't want one person in particular to read it either. I know that the person I don't want in my biznass won't do what's necessary to be able to stay informed on my life. It may seem like drastic measures to keep one motherfucking person off my blog, but I'm a bitch like that. And if she chooses to cut me out of her life because of a stupid blog, then she doesn't get to participate in my life either. And well, I don't have a problem with the rest of you mofos. 

That brings me to how you can win free shit. You people just need to send me an email or comment or text message if you want to know where the hell to find me. Next Wednesday, I'll randomly select select a winner.

With the weather cooling off, you want to be stylish and warm. If you're a dude, you want your girl to look stylish and not complain about being cold. 

I'll email you the link/go to your blog and comment or email you/text you back. I understand that I am 'controversial', and some of you may not want me to know that you're reading my shit. I won't out you. I promise.

My email address is on the bottom of the page.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Bustin' out

I'm just telling you all this so I can change the post of my hand. I'm tired of seeing it every time I pull up my blog.

This morning, I realized that I only have one handmade scarf/hat set. It's functional, but not particularly I used to knit all the time. Then summer hit, and I stopped. I mean, how oxymoronic is it to knit scarves and hats in 100 degree weather?

The weather is getting chilly so now it's time for me to bust out the 'ol kneedles and start knitting again. I want a fluffy cowl that I can wrap around my kneck and use to keep my head warm. I also have to make Vivian's mitten and hat set for Christmas, and finish Mimi's scarf. Trystan wants a hat, and the one I made Mel itches his head so I need to find another yarn and make him a new one. Baby. I don't know what to knit for Patricia. She's the difficult one. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

This post is brought to you by the letters 'M' and 'V'

When is the last time you received a letter in the mail? When was the last time you wrote one?

Yesterday, my fantastic Mimi got a letter in the mail from her best friend in the world. She was sick yesterday, so this handwritten letter was the perfect thing that she needed to make her feel better. As soon as she finished reading it, she set to work writing back.

It bothered me that she didn't know how to address the envelope. She didn't know where to put the stamp. Vivian wanted to play with the 'stickers'. I seldom write letters. Occasionally, I'll buy a funny card and write a note to a girlfriend. I never get mail unless it's a bill. Thats no fun.

As easy as it is to tap out an email, text, or post on facebook, it's that much harder to sit down for 15 minutes and write a letter. You have to find the envelopes. If you're lucky enough to have those, you might be able to mail your letter if you can afford a stamp. As expensive as a book of stamps is you'd better make sure that you really like the person that you're wasting that stamp on. Then the address. Who keeps an address book anymore? I either remember your address or I ask you for it when I need to send you something. It's such a process to go through just to make someone's day brighter. It's no wonder why people don't do it much anymore.

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Who wants to be my pen pal?

*I'm not right handed. The picture looked bad lefty. Not that there is anything wrong with lefties. I am one myself. It just didn't look right for the effect I was trying to achieve.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I know I said I'd be taking a break for a while. I lied. I had to show yous this super cute picture of Vivian chillin' in the sunroom this afternoon.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Time off for more bad behavior

I've been naughty, and I need to be spanked. Monique, are you up for the job? Just kidding.

I am taking a break for a little while though. I have a lot occupying my mind lately, and I don't want to share it with you mofos. If I keep blogging right now, I'm going to end up shitting all over myself, and I don't want to do that. When all of this drama (and you people KNOW how much I like drama...NOT) passes, I'll be back to my irreverent self. In the meantime, feel free to comment about how much you love me and think I'm fabulous and how if I didn't care then I wouldn't care so much, and all that shit. You know how to stroke me. Right? Oh. And the ass. Don't forget about the ass. 

Anyone want to guest blog? Email me. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Coming Soon to a Blogger Near You!

I think that maybe instead of being a personal trainer, I might become a screenwriter. Here are a few movies I have in the works:

Stop Pissing On Me
A not-so-delightful tale of two women avoiding kinky sex acts

No Grudgemongering Here
Conservationism at its finest

Why You So Obsessed With Me?
I can see you while you're watching me

Which synopsis would you like to read first?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just kickin' it

For those of you who don't know what Pandora is, you are missing out on the best thing in the world. You type an artist's name into the search box, and they play music that is similar to the type of music by that artist. You can give each song a thumbs up or down and it makes your radio station play only the music that you like. You don't have to register in order to play music, but if you register, then you already have your radio stations ready for the listening whenever you want to hear them. 

So, I'm listening to Jodeci radio right now. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am in love all over again. It's so fun to listen to this music that I listened to in high school. I even remember all the words to all of the songs by Jodeci, Troop, Xscape, Guy, New Edition, Aaliyah- should I keep going? 

What's your favorite radio station? What songs take you back to the good 'ol days?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

halfway to 70+1(day)

As Brandi pointed out yesterday, I'm halfway to 70 now. I guess she was trying to make me feel old or something. I don't. 35 is a cool age so far. I mean, I only have one day of experience with it, but so far it's cool.

I wanted to write the top 5 things I learned this year. I intended to be reflective and deep. You mofos know that I'm not that deep, and my favorite reflection is my own. here goes:
  1. I prefer red wine, dark beers, and strong coffee. So far, I haven't gotten into drugs, random sex with strangers, and cigarettes. I don't intend to. Don't worry.
  2. Teenagers are nosy little fuckers.
  3. Underwear is overrated.
  4. I'm starting this new year of my life with one less friend. I wish I could say that I'm over it, but I'm not.
  5. Fuck it.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sunday in the Garden of Eden

Warning! This material might be considered irreverent and unholy. Proceed with caution! 


I never knew Adam was a fellow countryman. I learned this information from my home teacher this evening. It piqued my interest, so when I questioned him about it and he didn't know the answer, I decided to investigate. He offered to get back to me, but I decided not to wait. 

First, I went to the church's website. I searched for garden of eden, garden of eden missouri, adam-blah blah blah. I'm thinking that this is some pretty serious information. I mean, DAMN!! Adam is real!?!? And he's American?!? This kind of information shouldn't be hidden amongst primary lessons and random conference talks, should it? After glossing over reading many (like 5) boring talks, I finally found something explicit about it in a New Era article from 2003. It confirmed what the Almighty google told me right off the bat (the first and only search). What's funny is that the thing I found so quickly that is straightforward, to the point, annotated, and uncluttered, is from an 'anti' website.

Loaded question alert!!!!!

Why is it so difficult to find information about churchy doctrinal things on their website? Is it just me?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Which one are you?

  1. The kind you see/talk to sporadically and pick up right were you left off.
  2. The kind you take in small doses.
  3. The kind you spend tons of time talking and chillin' with and can't get enough of.
  4. The kind you meet for coffee (or hot cocoa).
  5. The kind you shop with.
  6. The kind you are just like.
  7. The kind you can't live without.
  8. The kind you can't live with.
  9. The kind you go dancing with.
  10. The kind you trust with your most secretive secrets.
  11. The kind you know better than to trust with your most secretive secrets.
  12. The kind you count on to lift you up.
  13. The kind you go out for drinks with.
  14. The kind you swing on poles with. 
  15. The kind you hate to see go.
  16. The kind you hate to leave.
  17. The kind you haven't talked to in too long.
  18. The kind you miss like your left nut.
I have at least 18. How many do you have? Which one am I?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

almost a mushroom print

I just read on facebook, "Talking at me through your posts doesn't count."

I agree somewhat. At least they're talking. That's better than the silent treatment.

I'm holding back. Waaaay back. Like way the fuck back in last place.

You know who you are. You're being hurtful. What are you trying to accomplish? You've already lost one friendship recently over circumstances I am still confused about, but can understand better now that I'm on the other end.

Maybe I'm giving you more reasons why you shouldn't talk to me anymore. Maybe that's exactly why you should.

So how much longer are you going to wait?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Underwear and the Mind

I've often thought that politicians have a raw deal. How many times during how many elections have you heard that Governor So-and-so has changed his mind about (fill in the blank) issue? Or that, Senator What's-his-face used to think (whothafuckcares) about (whatever), but feels differently now? It sucks for them that every decision they have made is documented. Every time they voted for something, it's recorded. So, if they change their mind about an issue, they are perceived to be dishonest and unreliable.

I think they are neither dishonest nor unreliable. I think they are just normal. Have you ever changed your mind? Have you ever thought one thing, only to discover upon further examination, that your way of thinking was either wrong or based on bad information? I know my opinions about many things have changed because I didn't know all of the facts in the first place. Once I learned more information, I was able to make a more informed opinion. Sometimes, that opinion changed. Sometimes it has stayed the same.

The problem arises when someone says something like, "No matter what you say, you couldn't possibly change my mind." Or, "I don't care what the evidence is, I won't listen to it, and if I do listen to it, I won't believe it." (fundamental much?)

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to make up your mind and to stick to it. No one wants to be thought of as wishy-washy. Most of the time, it's a good thing to have an opinion and stick to it. It's how we relate to other people. It's how we decide who we want to spend our time with. Of course, we want to be friends with people who share some of the same opinions. However, it's not bad if you respectfully disagree about things. I don't have the same opinions as all of my friends about everything. That would be boring. 

Now for the parable of the Apple Pie:
If I held the opinion that my apple pie recipe is the only true apple pie recipe and without following that recipe to the letter with no deviation or substitution, every apple pie that was made without my recipe would taste disgusting, and fall apart, and make you sick, and your family wouldn't respect and love you because of your nasty apple pie (giant exaggerated inhale), under what circumstances would it be acceptable for me or someone else to question that opinion? Would it be acceptable for someone to research apple pie techniques on the internet? Would it be acceptable to ask other apple pie aficionados? Do I have the right to label someone as 'anti-apple pie' just because they question my recipe? 
So, being the open-minded chef I am, I decide to try some internet person's apple pie recipe. Am I allowed to change my mind? What if the other recipe makes better sense? What if, after careful consideration and research, I decide that my recipe isn't the one true apple pie recipe? Can't I change my mind? Just because I reject my recipe as being the best, doesn't mean that if you still prefer my recipe over any other recipe, I reject you. We just have different ideas about what makes a good pie. I still respect your decision to make my recipe. 

Of course, I don't give a rat's ass which recipe you make. You could chose to make blueberry muffins instead. I don't care. Offer me one. I just might change my mind about apple pies.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


I love apples. No, let me correct that statement. I love Fuji apples. They are the only ones I buy. When we pick apples, we only pick The Fuji. So, if any of you mofos have been lucky enough to get any apple anything from my family, know that it has been made with The Fuji. 

You all know that I am all about picking my own fruit. Early this summer, we picked tart cherries and blueberries. In July, we picked peaches and blackberries. We pick enough to freeze so we have it to last through the winter. Sometime during the next couple of weeks, Vivian and I will go to pick apples. I haven't ever tried it, but I don't think apples freeze well. They do, however, can fantastically. Last year, we were lazy and just made quarts upon quarts of apple pie filling and some applesauce. In previous years, we have made apple butter. This year, we are going to make apple butter out the ass! 

I just got finished making an apple pie. It's not just any 'ol apple pie, though. It's a caramel nut apple pie. I just concocted the recipe in my head. Lucky for you, I typed the recipe as I was creating it. Do you want it? Huh? Should I copy and paste it here for you? Hmmmmmmmm....... I don't know. You all know how much I hate doing that. Welllllll, OK. Here it is:

Filling: (measurements are approximate)
6 apples, peeled and sliced
½ cup butter, cut into cubes
Dash salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
½ cup flour
¾ cup brown sugar
1/3 cup chopped walnuts
1/3  cup caramel bits

Combine filling ingredients until well mixed. Set aside. If you're as awesome as me, these ingredients will get all slimy and caramelly and delicious as you get the crust ready. If it doesn't do this, don't despair. You just aren't as fabulous as me. Don't worry. I still like you. 

Double pie crust
¼ cup caramel bits
¼ cup chopped walnuts

Roll out half of pie crust. Put caramel and nuts in bottom of pie crust. Top with apple mixture, then other half of pie crust. Cut slits in top of crust. Bake in a 425 degree oven for one hour or until crust is brown and apples are tender. Cool for at least 3 hours. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream and more walnuts.

My pie is still in the oven. It's been in there for about 30 minutes so far, and smells good. It's getting a little brown on top, so I am going to cover it in about 10 more minutes. You might want to reduce the heat if you are using a glass pan. 

This pie is going to be my treat for going to hot yoga tonight. I love myself!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It's not that simple

If you don't like it, don't look.

That's what my momma told me. That was kinda her motto when I was growing up. If she wanted to wear a belly shirt, and her belly had scars from multiple surgeries, she didn't care. She wore it anyway. Fuck 'em. If 'they' didn't like it, then 'they' shouldn't look. 

Is this really good practical life advice? Should you not look at something just because you may not like it? Just because it might be uncomfortable? Remember last week's post about the recycled t-shirts? Gross. Sweat? Gross. You looked. You came back for more. You didn't like it. At least some of you didn't. How about the overall tone of my blog? Do you like it? If I had to describe it, I would say that it's me with my ass hanging out. That's actually how I described it to some people this weekend. They will check it out. They will decide if they like it or not. And if they don't like it? Will they keep looking? Maybe. 

It's not always bad to keep looking at something you don't like. Sometimes, it can teach you something about yourself. If you are honest with yourself and want to know the 'why' behind your dislike, you may discover that the reasons you initially disliked something aren't valid. If you can separate your viewpoint from the socially accepted norms, you might see that your lens (AKA-the 'right thing') is cloudy. You might even discover that once you take out your recycled t-shirt* and clean that lens, you see the world a whole different way. And what was once uncomfortable and offensive to look at, isn't really so disgusting. It might even change the way you think about everything. 

*The t-shirt in question is green. Green t-shirts are exclusively for cleaning glass. Nothing else. No shit, no snot, only glass. 

Monday, October 4, 2010

I am so excited to Wake Up! with John Legend

By a show of hands, who is familiar with John Legend? He is one of my favorites. I just bought his newest album, Wake Up!  The title song is going to be my theme song for the month of October. It's a remake of the original song by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. I love it. The original came out in 1975, the year I was born. Just so happens, my birthday is this month too.

This is an exciting time for me. I feel like I have awakened from a long sleep. I'm excited to participate in my life and in the lives of the people I love. My heart and mind are on the same page now. It's a wonderful feeling to let go of guilt and frustration and to stop "keeping up appearances".

You should try it.

Friday, October 1, 2010

food truck friday

There's a truck around here that sells delicious fresh Mexican food. Or so I've heard. I haven't had the best luck finding it until today.

Pupusas are like stuffed corn pancakes. They are usually stuffed with cheese, meat, beans or a combination of the three, and served with coleslaw on the side. There is usually a red sauce that goes with it, but these didn't come with that. I love the melty cheesy crust that it gets on the outside. I also think the coleslaw is delicious. It's not mayo based. It's vinegary and sweet. My two pupusas cost $4. I'll definitely go back sometime soon for the tacos. Who's coming with me?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

So, no one has anything to say?


Because I find it hard to believe that this 'friend' of mine is the only one who has thought this. I'm not asking you to 'out' yourself as an unbeliever. What I want to know is how you have dealt with your doubts. 

How have you handled/ how would you handle a similar situation if it was your spouse who was experiencing the same difficulties that my 'friend' is experiencing?

Is there anything wrong with having doubts and thinking critically? I don't mean criticizing and being mean. I mean asking questions and looking for answers? 

Why don't we talk about this more? 

Why can't we use what we have in common to discuss these things?

Don't you think that it could help reconcile our brains and our hearts? 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

No more ass rags and sweat. 'Someone' wants to GTFO.

After the outcry against the disgusting bodily function posts, I thought I'd tone things down with a lighthearted post about 'someone' I know and his/her big time troubles with the Church.

Before you go and assume it's me, keep reading. It's not me mofos. I'm not saying that I'm going to be at church on Sunday either. I have yoga.

 I'm jussayin' that I'm not the 'I' in this post. I'm talking about 'someone' I know. Ok? I'm not ready to share with you people what I want to do or what I even believe anymore. It's a friggin' process, and I'm still going through it. 

So, enough about me. On to the 'guest' post.
I have a secret.  

I'm a calling-fulfilling, temple recommend-holding, highly active member of the LDS church, but I don't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet.  I never have.

I wanted to.  How I wanted to!  This church seemed so right, so perfect for me.  But there was something that always felt wrong about Joseph Smith to me. Luckily, I had the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon telling me that I didn't need perfect faith--only a desire to believe.  That was enough, and if the thing I desired to believe was a good and true thing, it would grow into a testimony.  So, I held onto that desire and hope for dear life.  For more than 15 years I have been trying follow the teachings of the prophets, while pushing to the recesses of my mind the nagging thought thatthat one prophet--the supposed most important one--was a fraud.

I did the things I was supposed to do to overcome my doubts and my seeming lack of faith. I read my scriptures, I prayed sincerely, I fasted, I went to the temple and sought some sort of answer.  It never came.

About a year ago I had the thought that maybe if I got to know Joseph Smith better, I would be able to gain a testimony of him.  We're taught to do that with Jesus, so why wouldn't it work for Joseph Smith?  And that's when the Pandora's Box of church history was opened.  All those years I'd just had a feeling that something was not right with Joseph Smith, but suddenly I was confronted with numerous pieces of evidence that my feeling was correct. So, I did what all good Mormons do when confronted with so-called facts that seem to go against what the church teaches--I read the apologists. I tried to find reasonable explanations for these things that I'd read about Joseph Smith.  Some of the alternate explanations were reasonable and I was able to accept them.  Some of them, I could not.  But I wasn't ready to leave.  I basically chose to ignore the questions and doubts I had and soldier on.  

But then as the past year has gone on, more and more questions have arisen.  More things about the church--things beyond Joseph Smith--have nagged at me.  These aren't things brought to my attention by "anti" sources.  These are things from the Ensign and other church publications.   Things from our church leaders.

And so, I have lost my faith.  Not in God.  Not in Christ.  But in the idea that this is Christ's restored church on Earth.  I do not believe it to be the case.  

I do believe that God has a hand in some of the things that happen in the LDS church. I think blessings that are given are very real and do work.  Not because the person giving it happens to hold the priesthood, but because usually the person giving it truly believes that he is following the one true church, and is trying to be Christ-like, and has faith that God will use him as a tool for the blessing.  A kind and loving God (which I do firmly believe in) would not deny such faith just because the founder of said church was a fraud.  I believe that often we do feel the Spirit in meetings.  Again, not because we have been given the gift of the Spirit by priesthood holders after our baptism, but because we have faith and are open to it, and because the basic principles taught by Christ are (in my opinion) true and therefore worthy of being testified to by the Spirit. 

I believe, for the most part, that the people in the LDS church are good and striving to do their best, and I like being among them for that.  

But there are enough things in the church that I believe to be not of God that I want out. 

I don't want to leave because I've been offended, or because I want to sin.  I didn't smoke, drink, take drugs or even drink coffee before I became a member.  Before I joined,  I'd had a grand total of one sexual partner, and it happened to be someone I was certain I would marry (though I did not).  I didn't cheat or steal.  I tried to be honest.  I served others when I could.  Really, with the exception of sustaining the church leaders, I probably could have passed the temple recommend interview with flying colors before I ever even knew what a Mormon was. 

So those are not the reasons I want to leave.  I want to leave because by staying, I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, and that wears on one's soul after awhile.

But then I look at my spouse, and I look at my children, and I wonder if I should stay for them.  I wonder what will happen when they know I've lost my faith.  I wonder if it makes me as big a fraud as I believe Joseph Smith to be if I let them continue on not knowing the things that I've come to know. I wonder if I could live with myself if I allow them to believe that some people are not as worthy in God's eyes due to things other than what's in their heart.  And then I wonder if it would make me a monster to shatter their happy oblivion.

And that wears on my soul, too. 

Monday, September 27, 2010

What's next?

Ever since Jesus attacked me the other day, I have been so curious about what the 'next blog' is. Saturday, it was photographers. Sunday, it was mostly foodies. I got a super yummy looking recipe for coconut banana bread with candied ginger on top. I can't wait to try that one. Today, it's paper crafters. Stamps and cards and shit (snore). 

I found an odd fucking blog on Sunday. This person reused old t-shirts. OK, there's  nothing wrong with that. I have used an old t-shirt for a spit rag, window cloth, shoe-shiner. There are many things one can do with  an old t-shirt.

Did you know that you can make your own ass rags with old t-shirts? Yeah! You can just cut them into squares or strips, and put them in a basket on the back of your toilet with a spray bottle. When you need to wipe yourself after le poo, just spray and wipe. I guess you should put a dirty basket somewhere close by so you don't end up re-using the same cloth. That could get gross. 

Also! You can make snot rags out of old t-shirts. Once again, make sure there exists the proper receptacle for the besnotted rags. The blog author was sure to point out that in her family, they use white rags for the snot, and dark colors for the bum. Good idea.

Ya know, because who wants to get an ass full of snot?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Hot and Sweaty

I'm not a sweater. I don't like sweat. I think sweaty bodies are disgusting. For me, there's no faster way to kill the mood during sex. Don't touch your sweaty body to mine. Yuck. I can just barely handle touching my own sweat. Thankfully for me, I don't sweat much. Not usually. 

Until last week. 

Monday, I started Bikram yoga. What the hell is that? It's yoga that you do in a hot motherfucking room. 104 degrees to be exact. You do a series of 26 different poses. This is unlike any yoga I've ever done. No sun salutations. No upward-facing dog. Not even a warrior. I hate it and love it at the same time. It's hard, hot, and drippy. The yoga. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

I bring a beach towel with me to put on top of my yoga mat. By the end of class, the towel is soaked. Completely. I'm still amazed at the amount of liquid that pours out of my pores each time I practice. I drink tons of water all the time outside of class just so I don't die. 

It's a good thing that I've gotten over my whole belly thing, because most people (myself included) only wear a sports bra and shorty short yoga shorts. My bikini time in Hawaii prepared me for Bikram. However, in Hawaii, I didn't bend forward and scrunch and squish my flabby belly and excess skin. I stood/sat up tall and sucked in all the time. I still have it sucked in, but there's so much twisting and bending and "look at your belly" and "tuck in your chin" and "touch your forehead to your knees" that no amount of sucking in will help. So, I've let it go. Had to. 

I've also gotten over touching sweaty bodies. At least mine. I am the only one I touch during class. But I'm not just touching my hand to my sweaty leg. That would be easy. NOOOOOO, I'm touching my face- my entire pretty little face- to my legs. My 'dripping with sweat so much that it's pooling at my toes' legs. Like, when I look at my knees because that's where they want me to look, and I see the sweat, I have to make a decision -  get the most out of the practice and do what they are telling me to do, or, hell no those are some sweaty-ass legs and there's no way my face is going to bathe in sweat. But I do. I touch my pretty little face to my sweaty-ass legs, and the sweat drips into my mouth. And I don't feel grossed out at all. I'm actually amazed that it doesn't taste gross and salty. I let myself rejoice in the amazingness of my body and allow the sweat to help me move into deeper postures. 

I'm four classes into my first month, and I am pretty sure that I'm going to have to keep going forever. Or at least until I get bored and find something else to do instead. 

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Can someone please explain this to me?

For at least ten minutes, I clicked on the 'next blog' button on the upper-left corner of my screen. Why was every single one of them Christian themed? I just counted - 21 clicks = 21 Jesus blogs. WTF? At least two of them were Mormons. How could I tell from the first glance? 
  1. The guy was living in Utah, and his name was Jarom. (why do people do that to their kids?)
  2. The family of 20+ spanning multiple generations was wearing matching outfits and blogging about the baby's blessing. 
I was clicking on 'next blog' to find something trashy. Not Jesus-y. Why else would I be on the internet at 10:30 at night?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Caught up - III

Want to know what fucking sucks?

I had the entire third part of my post ready to publish. All I had to do was move one line to the end of the post, and it was done. Guess what I did? 


Fuck it. Here's the summary:

  • Mel was confused because I kept everything inside because I took the church too seriously and felt super guilty that I had let him down and therefore was a terrible and unworthy mother and wife.
  • He was relieved when I finally broke down the truth to him.
  • What started out as 'rebellion', has turned into an incredible spiritual and intellectual journey for me.
  • Once you learn something, you can't unlearn it. And once it's substantiated with reliable sources and facts, you can't pretend it's not true. 
  • It wasn't rebellion. 
  • I'm not the only one in the world who is going through this. 
  • Shit! I'm not special. 
  • I might not be special, but I do have a good ass. 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Sex Sells- look at my pictures!!

Giant three-legged sea turtle.

This is not the same mofo.

Post-snorkeling at sharks cove. Mel loves my duck-face. (You must click the link and watch the video. It's hilarious)

WTF? I guess it got lost in the translation.

8,000,000 points if you can guess where this is.

Sometimes you have to go down a dark and dirty road

to be able to enjoy and appreciate the awesome beauty of nature.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Can't fall to sleep

I'm having a hell of a time getting to sleep these days. I guess I just need to lay down. In a dark room. With the TV off. That might help. 

You know something I figured out the other day after I got off the phone with Brandi? It's much easier to be an asshole to her on the computer. She's so nice on the phone. I feel bad being snarky to her over the phone. I guess it's best for our relationship if she's my texty-buddy. That way we can cuss each other out and  no one ends up feeling guilty.

I don't do well with guilt. And by that, I mean that I don't really feel guilty. Ever. And if I do feel guilty for some reason, I usually get over it pretty quick. I'm awesome like that. 

It's time to get off this stupid computer. I have to be well-rested for tomorrow. I am going to my first Bikram Yoga class in the morning. I'm so excited!!

Don't bug me about pictures. I'm trying to decide which pictures I want to post. The ones of the beautiful scenery? Or the ones of me looking so hot I get turned on when I look at them? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm home!!!

After what seemed like an eternity on the plane form LAX to BWI - over-fuckin' night with two babies taking turns screaming for 5 hours - I"m here. Safe and sound. Did I mention that I was sitting next to a big-ass man? He wasn't fat, he was just a big guy. He was all muscle, and did I mention that he was huge? I was so uncomfortable sitting next to him. I don't like touching or smelling strange people. At least he smelled good. He smelled like clean laundry. So I guess it could have been worse. He could have been huge and smelly. Smelly like the woman who sat next to me on my way from Hawaii to LA. Praise the Lord that we had a seat separating us. And I am equally grateful that I didn't start to smell her until I had a little less than an hour left in the flight. Because everytime she moved, I smelled her, um, odor. It was frikkin' naaaaasty. She smelled like a combination of old lady crotch and armpit funk. EW.

Next week will bring photos of the trip. I have a crazy-ass weekend planned. It's one of those things where I'm sitting here right now asking myself, "What the hell was I thinking?" Here's a hint: someone I know is turning 15 on Sunday. 

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the food

First up- the Puka dog. It's a polish sausage stuffed into a delicious bun that's filled with fruity relish and fruity mustard and this garlicky yummy sauce.

See that brown crispy stuff next to the dog? That's because they impale the bun with this hot dildo looking thing to toast the inside of the bun. This keeps all of the sauces from leaking through the bun.

On Saturday, we traveled to the North Shore for some turtle watching and snorkeling. (I'll tell you about that another time. This post is all about the food.)

After much research, we decided to eat at a shrimp truck for lunch. They are so plentiful up there, each one claiming to be the best and the freshest. My friends on urbanspoon helped us decide on Romy's.

We both got their famous garlic shrimp. Good thing, because there was so much garlic! Neither one of us would have been able to be around the other.

Sunday and Monday we got breakfast and lunch here.

There were two rows of yummy baked breads, treats, breakfast sandwiches, quiches, everything!!! Quick and easy!

Monday night, we ate the Addingtons. No- wait! We ate with them. Naika and Mike treated us to dinner at a yummy Filipino restaurant named Max's. They are famous for their fried chicken. That was good. So was everything else that we had.

The aftermath.

Dessert. It looked better than it tasted in my opinion. Mel liked it though. My favorite part was the leche flan.

That's it! I haven't eaten anything so far today. I know there's spam in my future. I'm hanging out with Naika today.