Thanksgiving Eve

We cooked pies. Well, Mimi cooked some pies. She baked a pecan pie and a pumpkin pie.

Trystan baked the apple pie and made the cranberry sauce. Delicious!

Patty is cooking the sweet potatoes to make sweet potato balls tomorrow. She's hard at work while they are baking.

I made gluten free bread. And it looks pretty pathetic. Good thing it tastes fine. I'll be turning it into stuffing tomorrow.

Mel came home to rearrange beds for our guests. His uncle, aunt, and grandmother are coming to our house this year. Everyone is so excited. Especially Mel.

The best thing is that tonight we get homemade Mexican food. From real mexicans. It's going to be great!

Anyone else with me?

Am I the only one who has the entire 16 digit credit card number memorized? My husband was a little disturbed that I know it by heart. I really only use one card, I didn't plan to memorize it. I just did. I can't help it if I'm brilliant. Maybe I'm a savant. And I didn't even know it!

Probably not. 

Oh! I added a new link to my blogroll. Lojo is an long time friend. She's cool and thinks I'm bitchin'.

Read this blog post too (it's 'safe'). I think I will define God as she does. Maybe I'll expound upon that on the other blog.

i haven't completely disappeared from here

I still come to my own blog so I can see my blogroll. I can't get it to keep me up-to-date on my links from the other one. I don't care enough to figure it out, so I'm going to still keep this one active. 

Don't expect anything too interesting here though. I think I'm mostly still posting so you mofos who haven't gotten the new blog address will know that I'm still alive and that you should check that one instead. If you never check this one again, you probably won't miss much. 

I'm about to compose a sex and masturbation post inspired by someone on my blogroll. See ya!

Is anyone here?

Do any of you still read this one? I know it's much prettier than the new one, but there's really not much going on here. You should head over to the new one. What? What did you say? You don't know where to go? Just shoot me an email. I'll direct you to the right place. Cool? Cool. 

See you mofos later!

And the Winner Is...

Go to the new blog to find out.

Our family's latest obsessions

If you have the opportunity to play this game, you must. It's crazy and addictive. And silly. And we all love it!

We are also into this game. Killer Bunnies. It's a card game where you try to kill your opponents bunnies and do some other stuff and it's fun and silly. Believe me. 

Tomorrow is the last day to enter the contest.

why it's great to have impulsive friends who use you

I am here on Sunday afternoon in my quiet house. I just finished doing some much needed housework. I enjoy doing housework when I can be alone in my own thoughts and accomplish a task without having to manage any 'helpers'. I'm tidying up around here for some unexpected guests. 

I got a call at 10:00 last night. She wanted to know if she could stop by my house on her way home from Philly to have lunch. Of course you can!! I'd love to see you!! After I realized that I'd have to make something, I started to have second thoughts. UHHHH, no, sorry. I think I'm going to be at church. Without skipping a beat, she told me that she'd need at least five signatures that I actually went to church and stayed for the whole three hours. That was the only way I was going to get out of cooking for her. 'Nuff said.

I got out of bed so we could plan lunch. 

Oh yeah, only three more days until you can win the purple vagina cowl. Email me for the link to the new blog that I'm completely overwhelmed about making look decent and haven't had time to work on it but will at least have a new post within the hour.

There's still time left to get your free shit!

Excited to share

The new blog that I'm writing

I messed up, mofos

If I sent you an address to a new blog and it doesn't work, It's not you, it's me. In my excitement, I forgot a part of the address. So, if you have already emailed me and I sent you something and it's wrong, here's how to fix it: 

(mysecretblogname).wordpress.com

If you haven't emailed me yet, whatthefuckareyouwaitingfor? You better get 'ta emailin'. You wouldn't want to miss out on the free purple vagina** I am giving away, would you? You don't want to miss out on me do you?

**no actual vaginas were harmed during the making of this blog post

Win Free Shit and Some Slight Oversharing

Hey mofos! I am selling out. -ish. I am working on  a new blog. My awesome teenager stumbled upon it a couple of weeks ago, and it threw her for a loop. She got a glimpse of me as a 'real' person, and that was weird for her. Like, really weird. I asked her if she wanted me to stop blogging (truth be told, I was hoping she'd say no) and she said, "No. It's OK. I don't have to read it." Is that some awesome shit or what?!?! I know adults that can't grasp that concept. 

My husband and I agree that it's important for me to keep blogging. I'm just going to do it in a different place. I am not posting a link to my new blog on here. Not only do I not want my teenager to read me, I don't want one person in particular to read it either. I know that the person I don't want in my biznass won't do what's necessary to be able to stay informed on my life. It may seem like drastic measures to keep one motherfucking person off my blog, but I'm a bitch like that. And if she chooses to cut me out of her life because of a stupid blog, then she doesn't get to participate in my life either. And well, I don't have a problem with the rest of you mofos. 

That brings me to how you can win free shit. You people just need to send me an email or comment or text message if you want to know where the hell to find me. Next Wednesday, I'll randomly select select a winner.

With the weather cooling off, you want to be stylish and warm. If you're a dude, you want your girl to look stylish and not complain about being cold. 

I'll email you the link/go to your blog and comment or email you/text you back. I understand that I am 'controversial', and some of you may not want me to know that you're reading my shit. I won't out you. I promise.

My email address is on the bottom of the page.

Bustin' out

I'm just telling you all this so I can change the post of my hand. I'm tired of seeing it every time I pull up my blog.

This morning, I realized that I only have one handmade scarf/hat set. It's functional, but not particularly I used to knit all the time. Then summer hit, and I stopped. I mean, how oxymoronic is it to knit scarves and hats in 100 degree weather?

The weather is getting chilly so now it's time for me to bust out the 'ol kneedles and start knitting again. I want a fluffy cowl that I can wrap around my kneck and use to keep my head warm. I also have to make Vivian's mitten and hat set for Christmas, and finish Mimi's scarf. Trystan wants a hat, and the one I made Mel itches his head so I need to find another yarn and make him a new one. Baby. I don't know what to knit for Patricia. She's the difficult one. Any suggestions?

This post is brought to you by the letters 'M' and 'V'

When is the last time you received a letter in the mail? When was the last time you wrote one?

Yesterday, my fantastic Mimi got a letter in the mail from her best friend in the world. She was sick yesterday, so this handwritten letter was the perfect thing that she needed to make her feel better. As soon as she finished reading it, she set to work writing back.

It bothered me that she didn't know how to address the envelope. She didn't know where to put the stamp. Vivian wanted to play with the 'stickers'. I seldom write letters. Occasionally, I'll buy a funny card and write a note to a girlfriend. I never get mail unless it's a bill. Thats no fun.

As easy as it is to tap out an email, text, or post on facebook, it's that much harder to sit down for 15 minutes and write a letter. You have to find the envelopes. If you're lucky enough to have those, you might be able to mail your letter if you can afford a stamp. As expensive as a book of stamps is you'd better make sure that you really like the person that you're wasting that stamp on. Then the address. Who keeps an address book anymore? I either remember your address or I ask you for it when I need to send you something. It's such a process to go through just to make someone's day brighter. It's no wonder why people don't do it much anymore.

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Who wants to be my pen pal?

*I'm not right handed. The picture looked bad lefty. Not that there is anything wrong with lefties. I am one myself. It just didn't look right for the effect I was trying to achieve.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I know I said I'd be taking a break for a while. I lied. I had to show yous this super cute picture of Vivian chillin' in the sunroom this afternoon.

Time off for more bad behavior

I've been naughty, and I need to be spanked. Monique, are you up for the job? Just kidding.


I am taking a break for a little while though. I have a lot occupying my mind lately, and I don't want to share it with you mofos. If I keep blogging right now, I'm going to end up shitting all over myself, and I don't want to do that. When all of this drama (and you people KNOW how much I like drama...NOT) passes, I'll be back to my irreverent self. In the meantime, feel free to comment about how much you love me and think I'm fabulous and how if I didn't care then I wouldn't care so much, and all that shit. You know how to stroke me. Right? Oh. And the ass. Don't forget about the ass. 

Anyone want to guest blog? Email me. 

Coming Soon to a Blogger Near You!

I think that maybe instead of being a personal trainer, I might become a screenwriter. Here are a few movies I have in the works:

Stop Pissing On Me

A not-so-delightful tale of two women avoiding kinky sex acts

No Grudgemongering Here

Conservationism at its finest

Why You So Obsessed With Me?

I can see you while you're watching me

Which synopsis would you like to read first?

Just kickin' it

For those of you who don't know what Pandora is, you are missing out on the best thing in the world. You type an artist's name into the search box, and they play music that is similar to the type of music by that artist. You can give each song a thumbs up or down and it makes your radio station play only the music that you like. You don't have to register in order to play music, but if you register, then you already have your radio stations ready for the listening whenever you want to hear them. 

So, I'm listening to Jodeci radio right now. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am in love all over again. It's so fun to listen to this music that I listened to in high school. I even remember all the words to all of the songs by Jodeci, Troop, Xscape, Guy, New Edition, Aaliyah- should I keep going? 

What's your favorite radio station? What songs take you back to the good 'ol days?

halfway to 70+1(day)

As Brandi pointed out yesterday, I'm halfway to 70 now. I guess she was trying to make me feel old or something. I don't. 35 is a cool age so far. I mean, I only have one day of experience with it, but so far it's cool.

I wanted to write the top 5 things I learned this year. I intended to be reflective and deep. You mofos know that I'm not that deep, and my favorite reflection is my own. Yeah.........so here goes:

1. I prefer red wine, dark beers, and strong coffee. So far, I haven't gotten into drugs, random sex with strangers, and cigarettes. I don't intend to. Don't worry.
2. Teenagers are nosy little fuckers.
3. Underwear is overrated.
4. I'm starting this new year of my life with one less friend. I wish I could say that I'm over it, but I'm not.
5. Fuck it.

Sunday in the Garden of Eden

Warning! This material might be considered irreverent and unholy. Proceed with caution! 

Adam-ondi-Ahman

I never knew Adam was a fellow countryman. I learned this information from my home teacher this evening. It piqued my interest, so when I questioned him about it and he didn't know the answer, I decided to investigate. He offered to get back to me, but I decided not to wait. 

First, I went to the church's website. I searched for garden of eden, garden of eden missouri, adam-blah blah blah. I'm thinking that this is some pretty serious information. I mean, DAMN!! Adam is real!?!? And he's American?!? This kind of information shouldn't be hidden amongst primary lessons and random conference talks, should it? After glossing over reading many (like 5) boring talks, I finally found something explicit about it in a New Era article from 2003. It confirmed what the Almighty google told me right off the bat (the first and only search). What's funny is that the thing I found so quickly that is straightforward, to the point, annotated, and uncluttered, is from an 'anti' website.

Loaded question alert!!!!!

Why is it so difficult to find information about churchy doctrinal things on their website? Is it just me?

Which one are you?

1. The kind you see/talk to sporadically and pick up right were you left off.
2. The kind you take in small doses.
3. The kind you spend tons of time talking and chillin' with and can't get enough of.
4. The kind you meet for coffee (or hot cocoa).
5. The kind you shop with.
6. The kind you are just like.
7. The kind you can't live without.
8. The kind you can't live with.
9. The kind you go dancing with.
10. The kind you trust with your most secretive secrets.
11. The kind you know better than to trust with your most secretive secrets.
12. The kind you count on to lift you up.
13. The kind you go out for drinks with.
14. The kind you swing on poles with. 
15. The kind you hate to see go.
16. The kind you hate to leave.
17. The kind you haven't talked to in too long.
18. The kind you miss like your left nut.

I have at least 18. How many do you have? Which one am I?

almost a mushroom print

I just read on facebook, "Talking at me through your posts doesn't count."

I agree somewhat. At least they're talking. That's better than the silent treatment.

I'm holding back. Waaaay back. Like way the fuck back in last place.

You know who you are. You're being hurtful. What are you trying to accomplish? You've already lost one friendship recently over circumstances I am still confused about, but can understand better now that I'm on the other end.

Maybe I'm giving you more reasons why you shouldn't talk to me anymore. Maybe that's exactly why you should.

So how much longer are you going to wait?

Underwear and the Mind

I've often thought that politicians have a raw deal. How many times during how many elections have you heard that Governor So-and-so has changed his mind about (fill in the blank) issue? Or that, Senator What's-his-face used to think (whothafuckcares) about (whatever), but feels differently now? It sucks for them that every decision they have made is documented. Every time they voted for something, it's recorded. So, if they change their mind about an issue, they are perceived to be dishonest and unreliable.

I think they are neither dishonest nor unreliable. I think they are just normal. Have you ever changed your mind? Have you ever thought one thing, only to discover upon further examination, that your way of thinking was either wrong or based on bad information? I know my opinions about many things have changed because I didn't know all of the facts in the first place. Once I learned more information, I was able to make a more informed opinion. Sometimes, that opinion changed. Sometimes it has stayed the same.

The problem arises when someone says something like, "No matter what you say, you couldn't possibly change my mind." Or, "I don't care what the evidence is, I won't listen to it, and if I do listen to it, I won't believe it." (fundamental much?)

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to make up your mind and to stick to it. No one wants to be thought of as wishy-washy. Most of the time, it's a good thing to have an opinion and stick to it. It's how we relate to other people. It's how we decide who we want to spend our time with. Of course, we want to be friends with people who share some of the same opinions. However, it's not bad if you respectfully disagree about things. I don't have the same opinions as all of my friends about everything. That would be boring. 

Now for the parable of the Apple Pie:

If I held the opinion that my apple pie recipe is the only true apple pie recipe and without following that recipe to the letter with no deviation or substitution, every apple pie that was made without my recipe would taste disgusting, and fall apart, and make you sick, and your family wouldn't respect and love you because of your nasty apple pie (giant exaggerated inhale), under what circumstances would it be acceptable for me or someone else to question that opinion? Would it be acceptable for someone to research apple pie techniques on the internet? Would it be acceptable to ask other apple pie aficionados? Do I have the right to label someone as 'anti-apple pie' just because they question my recipe? 

So, being the open-minded chef I am, I decide to try some internet person's apple pie recipe. Am I allowed to change my mind? What if the other recipe makes better sense? What if, after careful consideration and research, I decide that my recipe isn't the one true apple pie recipe? Can't I change my mind? Just because I reject my recipe as being the best, doesn't mean that if you still prefer my recipe over any other recipe, I reject you. We just have different ideas about what makes a good pie. I still respect your decision to make my recipe. 

Of course, I don't give a rat's ass which recipe you make. You could chose to make blueberry muffins instead. I don't care. Offer me one. I just might change my mind about apple pies.